


Sanders Sides Songs

by GalacticallyNonbinary



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-13 06:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticallyNonbinary/pseuds/GalacticallyNonbinary
Summary: A collection of Sanders Sides song fics.Songs by/from Skyhill, Alessia Cara, Panic! At The Disco, Falsettos, Ally Hills, Elton John, Marina and the Diamonds, Fall Out Boy, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Peachy!





	1. Hands On the Water - Logince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hands On the Water by Skyhill

_Of all the things you might, still want to satellite  
You took the star that you know won't shine as bright_

Somehow, for some reason, Roman actually chose him.  
Him, Logan, him, the one with no emotions.  
Roman knows how awful he is, why would he ever choose to love him?

_We're falling from the sky, and the look in your eye_  
_Is telling me that you won't be home tonight_  
_No, you won't be home tonight_

Every time he talks a bit too much, or takes an argument a bit too far, the spark they used to have becomes dimmer.

_Hands on the water, I find  
That I could run away before you realize_

Late at night, staring out a black window while Roman snores softly on the bed next to him.  
Logan’s thoughts are racing.  
He comes to a realization.  
He could leave.  
Logan could leave Roman before the confident man discovers the cracks and tears in their relationship.

_And where the border divides  
I see the darkness that is haloed in your eyes_

But when the morning comes, and Logan’s head is clearer, he knows it’s already too late.  
The bags forming under Roman’s eyes are starting to rival Virgil’s.  
Sadness is creeping in, and somewhere, in the back of Roman’s mind, he’s already found the cracks and tears that litter what used to be a seamless relationship.

_Of all the things you hide, I hear in each reply  
You'll never stand up against the rising tide_

So much pain, so much hurt, it’s all coming, and both of them can see it.  
It terrifies Logan.  
Roman tries his best to ignore it.

 _The blue and red collide, and the look in your eyes_  
_Is telling me that the dawn won't end the night_  
_No, the dawn won't end the night_

Such opposing personalities, why had either of them thought that this could work?  
Every day, one small disagreement will turn into an argument.  
The cracks are spreading.  
The tears are growing.

_Oh, lord, do you hear us calling out?_

They talk to each other, they want to make things better.  
Nothing’s working.  
Drifting away, farther and farther.  
And Logan knows that the heartbreak is his fault.  
It has to be, Roman’s done nothing wrong.  
  
_Hands on the water, I find_  
_That it's impossible to make you change your mind_

He stands firm in his opinions, and so does Roman.  
They won’t change for anyone, not even for each other.  
Cracks spread.  
Tears grow even bigger.

_And where the border divides  
I see the darkness that is haloed in your eyes_

Roman’s tearstained face when he comes back to bed late at night.  
He thinks it’s hidden.  
Logan sees Roman’s red puffy eyes and his cheeks glistening with tears.  
He knows that it’s his fault.  
  
_Oh, lord, do you see us breaking down?_

Cracks so wide, tears so big, there’s almost nothing left to destroy anymore.

_Oh lord, do you hear us calling out?_

Just hoping, wishing for a way to fix it.  
But it’s beyond repair, and both of them know it.

 _Hands on the water, I find_  
_That it's impossible to make you change your mind_  
_And where the border divides_  
_I see the darkness that is haloed in your eyes_

The tears that come when Logan finally leaves.  
They aren’t tears of sadness or of despair.  
They are relieved because finally, finally it’s over.  
And Logan knows every last tear was his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are tears and tears spelled the same way??


	2. Different Frequencies - Prinxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different Frequencies by Skyhill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> choo-choo! it's the skyhill angst train, rolling into the station once again!! this is kinda similar to my last one, just cus it's the same band and also roman's there. i apologize for this it broke my heart

_Do you agree with me?  
We're finding hope in disaster_

Roman walked into the bed he shared with Virgil, and climbed in beside him. Virgil was already curled in on himself, asleep and breathing softly. Roman lay on top of the covers, hands folded on top of him as his mind whirred. He remembered how, just hours before, the two had been hurling insults at each other.

_Aim it casually_  
_And I can't go any faster than you are_  
_Beyond sight_

Truthfully, Roman had hurled most of the insults, while Virgil had retreated back into himself. Finally, fed up, Virgil had stormed off in a huff, and Roman couldn’t find the words to apologize.

_Howling at the moon each night_

Virgil was right beside him.

_Howling at the moon each night_

Virgil was right beside him and he couldn’t have felt more alone.  
  
_A veil you secretly_  
_Will hide behind until after_  
_You run easily_  
_Farther than my hope could ask for_

Roman had talked to Virgil before when he’d gotten mad, he said that he’d understand if Virgil left. Virgil had told him that he was in love, and he wouldn’t leave no matter what. But Roman saw how drained he was, and slowly realized that the only thing keeping Virgil in denial about the state of their relationship was his fear of being alone. And so, they stayed together. But they were never really together.   
  
_Break open the sky_  
_Forcing up a black sunrise_

Roman tried to change his anger into passion and love. It only made him bottle up his opinions, and made his outbursts worse.

_Break open the sky  
Forcing up a black sunrise_

Virgil tried to change his fear into kindness and caring. It only made him more anxious as he isolated himself more and more.  
  
_Do you agree with me?_  
_We're finding hope in disaster_

Virgil’s chest rose and fell in the bed beside him, but Roman’s nervous breathing was much quicker. He tried to slow, tried to match the rhythm of Virgil’s chest, but he couldn’t.

_Different frequencies_

Virgil’s pessimism and Roman’s idealism. Their lives were on different paths, they’d already encountered the fork in the road. They just needed to keep walking.

_And I can't go any faster than you are_  
_Beyond sight_  
_Howling at the moon each night_

Virgil was there, breathing, right beside him, but, that late at night, Roman couldn’t have felt more alone.  
  
_Enjoy the scenery_  
_Don't know how long it will last_

Any day now, it’d be the end. Roman would snap, Virgil would try to overcome his fear, any day now…

_You say it dreamily  
As if it already passed it by_

The way Virgil talked about his future, never including Roman in those plans, he sometimes spoke as if their relationship had already ended. Really, the ending was long overdue.

_Break open the sky  
Forcing up a black sunrise_

He was trying so hard to put away his anger, store it, but one day as he ranted at Virgil yet again, he swung his fist. It hit the wall mere inches away from Virgil’s head.

_Break open the sky  
Forcing up a black sunrise_

He looked at the splintering drywall, then at Virgil, cowering and trembling beneath him. Roman reached out, tears starting to form in his eyes. He hadn’t meant for this to happen- Virgil flinched away from Roman’s hand. Roman stumbled back, glancing between the wall, his hand, and the sobbing Virgil.

_Break open the sky_

Quickly, he grabbed his phone. His keys. His clothes. Everything else was Virgil’s. He tried to say goodbye as he walked out of the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he opened the door, and gently closed it behind him. Roman was shaking as he drove away.

_It's more than I can leave behind_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i had a nickel for every time i wrote about a sanders side becoming so overwhemed that he punches a wall, i'd have two nickels. it's not a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?? ((this is a phineas and ferb meme why am i like this))


	3. Here - Gen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here by Alessia Cara - High School AU

“Are you ready for the party Virge?”

Of course, Patton was excited. Everyone in the school loved him, and he loved everyone in the school. He was invited everywhere. Of course, it had been an unspoken rule since first grade. If you invited Patton, you were inviting the others.

The others, referring to:

Roman. Even if he hadn’t been Patton’s friend, he probably would’ve been invited anyway. Star of most of the school musicals, extremely charismatic and popular. The only person who came close to rivaling Patton’s popularity.

Logan. He was a nerd, and aced his tests, but there was so much more to him. He’d tutored half of the school, and was considered an expert in almost everything. He was quieter than the other two, but still had made a name for himself in the school.

Virgil. He got strange looks and snickers when he walked through the halls of the school. Roman’s glare, Patton’s frown, or Logan furrowing his brows usually got the other students to quickly stop. Still, he noticed how much of an outsider he was. Roman and Patton were greeted with cheers as they entered the house, and Logan was pulled into an animated argument about space. And Virgil was left alone, clinging to the sleeves of his jacket.

His mind was somewhere else.

_I'm sorry if I seem uninterested  
Or I'm not listenin' or I'm indifferent_

Some girl with a friendly face tried to strike up a conversation with him, but he stared past her head.

_Truly, I ain't got no business here  
But since my friends are here_

He watched Roman chug bottles of beer, as Patton frowned with slight concern. Still, he was having too much fun to be worried.

 _I just came to kick it but really_  
_I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room_  
_With people who don't even care about my well-being_

People who had mocked him countless times in the halls tried to offer him a smile, and they handed him cups of questionable liquid that he poured into a nearby potted plant when no one was looking.

_I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend  
So you can go back, please enjoy your party_

The girl gave up trying to talk to Virgil, and handed him a joint before walking away. He tossed that into the plant too.

_I'll be here, somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana  
With this boy who's hollering I can hardly hear_

Patton was yelling, trying to carry on a conversation with Virgil over the blaring music that shook the house. Virgil rolled his eyes and coughed as a puff of white smoke drifted over from the couch.

_Over this music I don't listen to and I don't wanna get with you  
So tell my friends that I'll be over here_

He was in the corner on his phone, begging for the party to be over as he watched the battery slowly drain. Whoever owned the house also apparently had a cat, and she curled up at his feet, a welcome source of company.

_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here oh oh oh  
I ask myself what am I doing here?_

As the years had wore on, Virgil had become more and more isolated, but he kept letting himself be dragged along with the others to parties. And he hated it.

_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here  
And I can't wait till we can break up outta here_

It was only nine o’clock, there was still a long way to go. And Virgil’s phone was half dead. He turned it off and shoved it into his pocket, sitting down to stroke the cat, who leaned into his touch.

_Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this  
An anti-social pessimist but usually I don't mess with this_

The amount of people talking around him was frankly terrifying. He was thankful for his dark hoodie. He curled up inside of it and kept petting the cat.

 _And I know you mean only the best and_  
_Your intentions aren't to bother me_  
_But honestly I'd rather be_  
_Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen_  
_To some music with the message (like we usually do)_

The music blasting through the speakers wasn’t music he’d ever heard before. He imagined being back in his room, lying on his bed and introducing his friends to his favorite bands.

_And we'll discuss our big dreams  
How we plan to take over the planet_

Roman told fanciful stories of being on Broadway in a few years, and Patton sighed happily when he talked about the family he’d have one day. Logan didn’t like to talk about his future, but Virgil noticed how his face lit up when he talked about advancements in science or technology, and he knew that Logan wanted more than anything to be a part of that.

Virgil, meanwhile, just couldn’t imagine his future without his three friends in it.

 _So pardon my manners, I hope you'll understand it_  
_That I'll be here_  
_Not there in the kitchen with the girl_  
_Who's always gossiping about her friends_

Virgil saw Logan talking to a girl who kept complaining about anything and everything. He saw how Logan kept trying to get away, and winced as she made a move on him. As she slid he hands through his hair and their lips connected, Virgil noticed Logan’s startled face. He wished he could race over and help, but his limbs seemed glued to the floor. 

 _So tell them I'll be here_  
_Right next to the boy who's throwing up 'cause  
He can't take what's in his cup no more_

Roman dashed over beside Virgil, clutching his mouth. He grabbed the sides of the potted plant, and heaved over it, a stream of brown liquid pouring out. Patton was across the room, looking horrified. The stench coming from the plant made Virgil himself want to wretch.

 _Oh God why am I here?_  
_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here oh oh oh_  
_I ask myself what am I doing here?_

His phone was only at twenty percent now, and he wanted so desperately to leave. His nails dug into the palms of his hand.

_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here  
And I can't wait till we can break up outta here_

Another check of the time, it was only ten. Still so much farther to go. To get away from the awful smell, Virgil moved into the kitchen, where the girl had finally left Logan alone, hair mussed and glasses askew. Neither of them said a word, but Virgil handed Logan a bottle of water from the fridge and he downed it immediately, eyes still unfocused. The party continued around them.

 _Hours later congregating next to the refrigerator_  
_Some girl's talking 'bout her haters_  
_She ain't got none_

The girl from earlier came back into the kitchen. Logan winced and Virgil tensed, but she was too drunk and bleary eyed to pay them any notice. While blabbering on about the same gossip from earlier, she grabbed another bottle of beer. Patton led Roman into the kitchen beside them, handing Roman a bottle of water. Roman shakily took it and held it to his lips, but more of it ended up on his shirt and the floor than in his mouth.

 _How did it ever come to this_  
_I shoulda never come to this_  
_So holla at me I'll be in the car when you're done_

The four of them stood in the kitchen, even as people danced and the music played around them. They were in their own world, a world that was completely silent.

 _I'm standoffish, don't want what you're offering_  
_And I'm done talking_  
_Awfully sad it had to be that way_

One of Roman’s friends came into the kitchen, excitedly handing them cups of beer. Virgil took his and Logan’s, pouring them down the sink. Patton did the same with his. Roman just stared at his own.

 _So tell my people when they're ready that I'm ready_  
_And I'm standing by the TV with my beanie low_  
_Yo I'll be over here_

Without another word, Virgil started to make his way through the crowd, Logan following behind him. Patton and Roman both stared at the red cup in Roman’s hand. Roman shakily lifted it upwards, toward his lips, but Patton grabbed it and poured it down the sink with the others. He grabbed Roman’s wrist and dragged his friend through the party, following the others.

_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here oh oh oh  
I ask myself what am I doing here?_

Virgil was shoved, elbowed, and yelled at as he pushed through the crowd. He ignored them, and led his friends to the door.

_Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here  
And I can't wait till we can break up outta here_

They stood on the porch in silence, breathing in the cool night air. The muted music from the house was barely audible over the chorus of crickets. Finally, Virgil led his friends back to Patton’s car.

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh _


	4. Space - Logince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space by Ally Hills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for violence and blood

“I’m sorry Roman. It just isn’t working out.”

The way Logan had said it, entirely void of emotion. The same way one would talk about the weather or doing their laundry.

Roman had cried for days on end.

Logan hadn’t even shed a tear.

 _You don't even care_  
_That my clothes aren't there_  
_You needed the hanger space_

He’d stopped by Logan’s apartment with a box, taking all of his things back. Logan had stayed on the couch, reading a book and not offering any help to Roman.

 _You don't even mind_  
_'Cause you don't waste time_  
_Filling in all the blanks_

He noticed that the pictures of them together that had been hung on the walls were gone. Logan’s apartment was rid of anything reminding him of Roman.

_I wish you were sad for a day  
So you would know how it tastes to be lonely_

At the café the next day, Roman was stirring his coffee cup, gazing into the brown liquid sadly. He heard a familiar laugh, and looked up to see Logan, surrounded by his friends, talking with a grin on his face.

Roman’s lip curled in anger, and he couldn’t help but slam the coffee mug on the ground. The crash made everyone turn their heads toward him. Quickly, he apologized to the nearby waiter, and helped them clean it up. As he carried the pieces to the trash can, he met Logan’s blank gaze.

He imagined slicing through those painfully emotionless eyes with the sharp piece of ceramic coffee mug that was in his palm.

_I wish you were staying for a night  
To see what it's like fading slowly_

Roman was lying in his bed that night, feeling every part of him slipping away as he thought about Logan. Something snapped inside of him, and he decided on a plan. A part of him screamed, begging him not to do it. He pushed it down, and got out of his bed.

_You were my love, you wanted this_

Walking in a dream-like haze, he put a few things in a small black bag. Roman grabbed his keys and walked into his car.

_I gave it all, but you took what you did_

He remembered how extravagant his displays of affection had been, and how little Logan seemed to care. He gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

 _You were my life, you turned off like a switch_  
_You know what they say_  
_Well, they say life's a bitch_

He slammed down on the gas, hard. He remembered which roads to take, he knew the way to Logan’s apartment by heart.

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

Swerving around the few cars that were on the roads late at night, Roman kept a steady glare focused through his windshield.

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

Only a few minutes later, he turned into Logan’s apartment complex, and used the key he’d kept to get inside. He carried the black bag with him.

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

The apartment was dark, and Roman crept in through Logan’s open bedroom door. The moonlight streamed in through the windows, illuminating the sleeping Logan.

 _You know what they say_  
_You know what they say_  
_Bitch, bitch, bitch_

He slept so calmly, and Roman just stared.

 _You don't even care_  
_You can get yourself a spare room_  
_Like you always do_

He wasn’t lying awake, thinking about Roman. The sight of him, so calm, without a care in the world, made Roman’s blood boil.

_But wouldn't it be nice  
If my kind of paradise wasn't lying there buried in you?_

Roman smirked, realizing that the sheets hadn’t been changed. They still smelled of his cologne. His smirk slid into a frown as Roman wondered if Logan even noticed.

_I wish you were sad for a day  
So you would know how it tastes to want more_

He slowly unzipped the black bag, the metal object inside glinting at the pale light from the city lights outside.

_I wish I could find the dignity  
So that I didn't have to be just another call that you ignore_

Roman took the black handle, and held the thing in his hands, marveling at how he wasn’t shaking or nervous at all.

_You were my love, you wanted this_

He paced around the bed, stepping in time with Logan’s soft breathing.

_I gave it all but you took what you did_

Roman ran his fingers along the silver metal he held, smirking at how peaceful Logan seemed.

_You were my life, you turned off like a switch_

Carefully, Roman swung his legs onto the bed, straddling Logan. At the contact, Logan blearily blinked awake. Seeing Roman, confusion passed through his eyes. But then, noticing what Roman held in his hands, the confusion changed to a look of pure terror.

_You know what they say  
Well, they say life's a bitch_

Roman swung the knife through the air, plunging it into Logan’s chest before the man had a chance to scream.

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

He kept slicing blindly, even as Logan’s body became blurry when Roman’s eyes filled with tears.

_Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_

Blood covered Logan’s chest and his face. It spattered across the white pillows and blankets. It stained Roman’s shirt, it burst up into Roman’s hair.

 _Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch_  
_You know what they say_  
_You know what they say_

Roman couldn’t stop hacking through Logan, his entire body now covered in deep gashes. His face, however, was pristine. His eyes, wide open, stared at Roman.

_You’re such a bitch baby_

Roman started to slow, his chest heaving and arms starting to become sore.

_Putting them on their place  
I know you love how it tastes baby_

“I’m sorry Roman. It just isn’t working out.”

The words echoed through his head, and Roman’s energy quickly returned.

_You need the space_  
_You needed the space_  
_You need the space_

He remembered Logan’s laugh and his blank stare in the café, and he swung the knife again and again.

_They say, well they say life’s a bitch_

He fell beside Logan, breathing heavily, hair matted with blood. The scent of Roman’s cologne clinging to the sheets mixed with the copper stench of blood.

_You need the space  
You needed the space_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> logan my boy nnooooooo. roman my boy NO!


	5. Rocket Man - Gen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rocket Man by Elton John

_She packed my bags last night, preflight_

The others seemed to have no problems in putting him into boxes. The smart one, the uptight one, the nagging one…and of course, the least popular one. That remark had been said so quickly by Virgil. Just a simple quip. In fact, the anxious side had probably forgotten about it. But Logan hadn’t. The tone was engrained in his memory, and so were the reactions of the others. Even Patton, _Patton_ , had laughed at him.

_Zero hour, nine a.m._

Every time he showed up, it almost felt like he was showing up for surgery. Prepared to be picked apart and analyzed, ridiculed and argued with. Ignored. That part was the most painful. Being dismissed and ignored. He sometimes wished he could just leave.

_And I'm gonna be high  
As a kite by then_

And when the opportunity came, when they were ignoring him again, he decided he had taken enough. And so Logan left.  
  
_I miss the earth so much_

Immediately, his heart started to ache. Logan cursed his emotions, and held back the tears he felt brimming in his eyes. He should apologize and go back but…he couldn’t. He had made a decision. He had to stay there.

_I miss my wife_

He remembered noticing how Virgil’s anxiety was increasing, and he wrung his hands, worrying for the side. If he wasn’t so nervous, he might’ve found humor in the irony of him being anxious for Anxiety.

_It's lonely out in space_

Patton. The one side who took no shame in his emotions. Logan had always looked to him for comfort, much as he liked to deny it. When the man complimented him, his heart would leap, and his stomach would flip. Which of course made it all the worse when Patton frowned at him. Told him to stop.

_On such a timeless flight_

Roman and Patton and Virgil and Thomas were still there. In Patton’s room. He wondered what they were doing.  
  
_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_  
_'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find_

He doubted they would come to his room. He was supposed to be the logical one, why would he need comfort?

_I'm not the man they think I am at home_

But Logan started to wonder if he really was logical. Was sobbing as loud as he was right now logical? Was it logical to be taking in shaking, gasping breaths through tears? Was it logical to just want someone to say that it would be alright? Was it logical to just want a hug?

 _Oh, no no no_  
_I'm a rocket man_  
_Rocket man_  
_Burnin' out this fuse_  
_Up here alone_

His room, dark and dreary, felt so isolating. The bed, perfectly made seemed cold and clinical. The bookshelf, with its piles upon piles of knowledge, seemed dull. His surroundings offered him little comfort.  
  
_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_  
_'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find_  
_I'm not the man they think I am at home_

His hands were shaking now so violently that he couldn’t hold onto anything. He tried to do breathing excersizes that he had taught Virgil, but couldn’t concentrate on numbers, on anything at all.

 _Oh, no no no_  
_I'm a rocket man_  
_Rocket man_  
_Burnin' out this fuse_  
_Up here alone_  
  
_Mars ain't the kind of place_  
_To raise your kids_

Constant workloads had kept him from ever taking a break. In his position, as the ‘smart’ one of the group, papers and decisions and learning was entirely his job. He had always told them that he didn’t mind, that he’d rather have the constant stream of work than boredom.

_In fact, it's cold as hell_

Telling them that was most certainly not the smartest thing to do. It meant that he had more work, and they worried more, and he’d tell them that same thing over and over. Although, of course, he’d rather that they didn’t have to worry about it. Oh Logic, what an illogical decision.

 _And there's no one there to raise them_  
_If you did_

But of course, if he slacked, or took a break, the others wouldn’t know what to do. So he continued on, ignoring any snide remarks from Roman, and did his work the best that he could.

_And all this science  
I don't understand_

Roman knew Spanish. Patton knew the word ‘infinitesimal.’ _Logan_ was supposed to be the smart one. _Logan_ was supposed to know things.

_It's just my job  
Five days a week_

So, he worked doubly as hard. Helping Thomas, and learning anything he could in his downtime. The stress and lack of sleep made him irritable, and he knew it. But, he decided that being the best at his job was better than being well-liked. He didn’t need them to like him.

_A rocket man_

But, he decided that being the best at his job was better than being well-liked. He didn’t need them to like him…  
  
_Rocket Man_

…it just felt kind of nice when they showed that they did.  
  
_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_

They still hadn’t arrived, and Logan was both surprised and entirely unfazed. He would’ve gone back, but the tears were still streaming down his face.

_'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find  
I'm not the man they think I am at home_

He couldn’t let them see that.

 _Ah, no no no..._  
_I'm a rocket man_  
_Rocket man_  
_Burnin' out this fuse_  
_Up here alone_

Patton’s room, with its bright and soft colors. Everyone, even Virgil for a little while, had loved it. Virgil’s room, with the decorations and posters that showed his personality. Even Roman had been jealous.

Logan’s room. Boring, slightly messy, but efficient. Bitterly, he supposed that it really was a good representation of himself.  
  
_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_  
_'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find_  
_I'm not the man they think I am at home_  
_Ah, no no no..._

“You’re the least popular character and you know it.

“Okay, pocket protector.”

“Get on with it, calculator watch!”

“You might say the amount of mistakes you’ve made is…infinitesimal?”

“Sub _astute_ teacher.”

“Logan, can you stop? Please?”

_I'm a rocket man  
Rocket man_

The words swam in his mind, and he flailed his hands in exasperation, a desperate attempt to get rid of them.

 _Burnin' out this fuse_  
_Up here alone_

_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_  
_And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time  
And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time_

They still didn’t come for him. He almost hoped that they never would.  Isolated and sobbing in his drab and miserable room. That, he decided, was where he belonged.  
  
_Long, long, time_  
_Long, long, time_  
  
_Ah, no, no, no..._  
_Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you couldn't already tell by the sheer amount of skyhill, i absolutely adore dan avidan. i'll probably be making chapters for most, if not all of the songs on the under the covers albums. his cover of rocket man was mindblowing!


	6. I Am Not A Robot - Prinxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I Am Not A Robot by Marina and the Diamonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a request to do I am not a robot for Prinxiety, and once I started writing I got a whole bunch of inspiration! I guess it's a little cliche, I mean, I've seen plenty of stories like it, but hopefully you enjoy!!

_You've been acting awful tough lately_  
_Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately_

There was an alley. In the alley, there was a boy. In that boy's hand, there was a cigarette. Every single day since Roman could remember, he'd seen he boy outside of the high school he went to and, he assumed, that the mystery boy went to. Leather jacket, ripped jeans, heavy eyeliner...this boy was going for a specific look, and damn was it working.

Roman had tried to talk to the boy plenty of times. The first few times the boy responded with a bemused raise of his eyebrow and a smirk. Recently though, he'd started to actually talk.

Roman learned that his name was Virgil, and that he was a senior too. He only took the bare minimum of classes he needed to graduate and spent the rest of the day in the alley smoking.

Sometimes, wrapped up in conversation with Virgil, Roman felt like he never wanted to leave the alley. Yet he always did.

One day, as Roman walked towards the alley, he heard a strange noise. When he rounded the corner, he saw Virgil hunched over, eyeliner smudged across his red face. Tears stumbling down his cheeks, he looked up at Roman as if he'd been caught committing a crime.

_But inside, you're just a little baby_   
_It's okay to say you've got a weak spot  
You don't always have to be on top_

Immediately, Roman rushed towards him, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders. As he got closer, he noticed a few bruises and scrapes littering Virgil's body, but didn't ask until Virgil's breathing had slowed and the tears had stopped.

_Better to be hated  
Than loved loved loved for what your not_

Slowly, almost painstakingly so, Virgil told Roman about the boys he hung out with, simply for the sake of not being lonely. He'd pretended for years to be just like them. Tough, cool, nonchalant. They were his friends when he was like that.

Then, they'd seen him talking with Roman. Popular, optimistic, maybe a bit too flamboyant in their eyes. They could never be Virgil's friends once they'd seen the two of them together.

It didn't take long for Roman to connect the dots. The boys' tough attitudes, less than open minds, and hard fists to Virgil's bruises, scrapes, and tears.

_You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable  
You are not a robot_

Virgil tried to work out of Roman's grasp, apologizing again and again for burdening Roman with his own issues. Virgil said how he "was such a coward," crying in Roman's arms. But Roman ignored his words and squeezed Virgil tighter.

"They think I'm gay, Roman!" Virgil was shaking. "They think I'm in love with you or some shit!"

"Well, are you?" Roman asked quietly.

"Doesn't matter. Not like I'd deserve you anyway," Virgil muttered sullenly. With that, Roman leaned in until their noses were practically touching and they could both feel warm breath on their lips. Virgil closed the gap, almost breathing a sigh of relief at the sweet, warm contact.

_You're lovable, so lovable  
But you're just troubled_

"What do you mean you don't deserve me?" Roman asked him, breathless after breaking away from the kiss.

"You're so perfect. Lead in every school show, I don't think there's a person in our grade who isn't practically in love with you-"

"But I'm practically in love with you," Roman said, giggling at Virgil, who blushed but rolled his eyes.

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

God, that was so goddamn cheesy, and Virgil loved it. He looked up at Roman, and saw his eyes glistening.

"Hold on, why are you crying now?" 

"What, I'm not allowed to feel empathy for you? I've got emotions too you know."

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

With that, Roman helped Virgil to his feet and lead him to his car. He ignored Virgil's lame attempts at protesting.

They drove, listening to a combination of Disney soundtracks and the most emo music Roman had ever heard, yet somehow it fit perfectly.

Roman took him to his house, mentioning to his parents how his friend was staying the night. Used to it, they didn't even give Virgil a second glance.

Up in Roman's bedroom, they laughed and talked and just enjoyed each other's company for hours.

Then, Virgil's phone rang, and a look of panic dashed across Virgil's face. He was too slow to hide it, and Roman checked the caller ID. A boy's name, no doubt one of Virgil's so-called friends. They just stared at the phone as it rang.

_You've been hanging with the unloved kids  
Who you never really liked and you never trusted_

"I should pick it up. He's my friend."

"Like hell he is. You were crying because of him."

_But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins  
Never committing to anything_

Finally, it stopped ringing. Virgil was left with a voicemail.

_You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings_

An angry voice yelled at him for being a pussy, for ignoring his calls all the time, for always flaking out. Roman held Virgil's hand, squeezing it both to comfort the boy and to release some of his own anger.

_Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing_   
_I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable  
I am not a robot_

Roman saw tears spilling down Virgil's cheeks, but Virgil turned away, hoping Roman wouldn't notice.

_You're lovable, so lovable  
But you're just troubled_

"I should go," Virgil said, voice cracking. Roman grabbed his arm, stopping him. When Virgil turned back, his face was glistening with tears. Roman wrapped him in a hug, so powerful and caring that it only made Virgil cry harder.

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

"You're allowed to cry," Roman murmured.

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

_Can you teach me how to feel real_

When Roman started to back away from the hug, Virgil grabbed him, silently begging him to keep his arms around Virgil.

_Can you turn my power on_

Neither of them knew how long they were standing there, tears falling from their eyes.

_Well, let the drum beat drop_

_Guess what I'm not a robot  
Guess what I'm not a robot_

Everything about Roman was like breathing a sigh of relief from years upon years of being scared, lost, and confused.

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot  
Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

Everything about Virgil was like taking in a deep breath, getting the energy to keep on fighting day after day.

_Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot  
Guess what I'm not a robot, a robot_

And somehow they fit perfectly.


	7. There's A Good Reason - Logince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet by Panic! At The Disco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> formatted a bit differently than my other chapters. hope you enjoy!

Roman walked through the door, an overcoat that almost reached the floor, a golden cane, and a top hat lowered over his eyes. The place simply reeked of high society and he'd always been the biggest thing at the party.

Before he could walk into the dining area, a man in a tuxedo held out an arm, barring him from entering as he gestured to a sign.

“Please leave all overcoats, canes, and tophats with the doorman.”

They'd never had that rule before, but Roman sighed and complied, piling the items into the man's arms. The suit he wore underneath was extraordinarily plain, and looking at the ornately dressed people around him, for the first time in his life, Roman felt out of place and underdressed.

He'd hidden behind jewels and accessories but now, he was forced to rely on himself. And he was terrified.

The place clearly had a new owner, and it wasn't hard to determine who it was. A man in a dapper blue suit stood in the center of the room, all kinds of people vying for his attention. He glanced up, and made eye contact with Roman, and goddamnit if he wasn't painfully familiar.

Logan, someone who'd always been in the background of every party this place held. Clearly biding his time until he could buy out the place. Roman had taken joy in overshadowing him, stealing the intellectual men he entertained and pulling them onto the dance floor.

Logan raised an eyebrow and smirked at Roman, wrecking the evening already and loving every minute of it. Roman took a deep breath as he slowly tried to hatch a plot. Glancing at the tables, he noticed that they had small place cards with numbers and names at every seat. Finding his own, he sat and sulked.

“Please leave all overcoats, canes, and tophats with the doorman,” he mocked the sign quietly. Logan's black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes flashed through his field of vision as Logan waltzed across the dance floor, someone’s dress twirling in time with him. The logical man had a proud grin, and it seemed that everything was going according to his plan.

Logan seemed to infect the room, his hands grazing across every cheek and his words gracing every ear. Roman pulled back in his memory, and was dismayed and confused when he realized that Logan had never looked this sophisticated before. In fact, he'd never looked better.

“Can't stand it…” Roman hissed under his breath as Logan flew by his table once more. Logan's name was on everyone's lips, and his confidence drove Roman insane. Roman was just as confident, just a few weeks ago, everyone in this room had been falling over him!

His emotions overwhelming him, Roman dashed to the bathroom. When he passed by Logan on his way, he could have sworn he heard the man chuckle.

Roman’s hands gripped the side of the sink as he stared at his lackluster suit in the mirror. Without his hat and coat, his outfit was drab and unfashionable, nothing like the shimmering dresses and suits the other guests wore.

He imagined walking back into the party. Heads would turn, but not with their normal awed stares. They would look at him for a moment before quickly turning back to their friends and whispering something. Whispers full of his name would fly through the room. Roman stared at his cheap outfit in the mirror.

“I bet to them I look like sh-” his words were cut off by a sob wrenching its way through Roman's throat, even as he tried to choke back the tears. He tried to force a natural smile, a grin he'd always flash to make someone swoon. “I'm a diva…” he tried to convince himself. Roman splashed water in his face, ran a hand through his hair and left the bathroom.

With shaking hands, Roman grabbed a cigarette box from the table and held one to his lips. When he lit it, an usual taste his his mouth, and he immediately coughed and threw the cigarette to the ground.

“Were those laced with something?” Roman pondered the thought as he ground the butt underneath his polished shoe. As he did, someone bumped into him, and he stumbled, catching himself on the table. He turned to see who had nudged him and was entirely unsurprised to see Logan's overconfident grin.

His tailored suit that almost seemed to glow, his perfectly slicked hair, his glasses that somehow managed to make him even more radiant, every inch of Logan was mathematically, frustratingly, perfect.

As the party began to wind down, Roman found himself in the corner, sipping on a small cup of red punch. A familiar face stalked over to him, smiling.

“I guess it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up…” Logan crooned in a voice that portrayed sympathy but all the while only served to infuriate Roman. And maybe he was right, Roman had been entirely, completely, utterly ignored the entire night. It was the worst experience he'd had.

Ignoring Logan, Roman poured himself another cup of punch. Logan continued rambling, his speech full of thinly veiled insults and egotistical praise. Roman poured yet another glass of punch.

“...you know, I've never been one to be very surreptitious, and I suppose you've been entirely distracted. I wonder if you even noticed,” Logan mused. Roman ignored the cryptic statement and downed an entire glass of punch. With that, something in his vision started to grow blurry. “Cigarettes laced with nitroglycerin…” Logan hissed as Roman struggled to stand up. “...and keeping you distracted while I spiked the punch. Makes for an intriguing concoction, no?”

With that, Roman's vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already written about Roman killing Logan, this was bound to happen eventually.


	8. The Thrill Of First Love - Prinxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Thrill Of First Love from Falsettos

Roman rolled his eyes upon walking into Virgil’s room. Virgil immediately protested, pulling out an earbud and glaring at him from the bed. Ignoring him, Roman started fixing the mess that was Virgil’s room.

He didn't understand why Virgil didn't hang up all his clothes, and he lamented the fact as he pulled sweaters and hoodies onto hangers, pushing them in Virgil's closet. Virgil ignored him, pulling off his socks and throwing them on the floor just to spite him.

“God you're impossible!” Roman groaned, picking them up and tossing them into the laundry basket. “You know, we've been together for nine months-”

“Ten months,” Virgil corrected him.

“Nine months,” Roman insisted.

“Ten months!” Virgil cried. “You cook for me and do your music stuff, I bring home money, and it's a fine arrangement even if we don't agree.”

“Won't. You refuse to agree with me,” Roman pointed out.

“Don't.” Virgil muttered petulantly. Roman sighed and continued going through Virgil’s things.

“How can you not have some sort of devotion to style, Virgil?!” Roman picked up a fourth black hoodie from the floor and shook it to illustrate his point. “You know, men from France can cancel a debt.” He fell onto the end of the bed, swooning. “Men in cufflinks make me forget my name.”

Ignoring his dramatics, Virgil put his earbud back in and leaned against the headboard of the bed. Roman crawled up beside him, taking the neck of his shirt and examining the tag.

“Really, Virgil? Wash and wear?”

“Why should I care? Fashion’s all dreck,” Virgil remarked, smirking at Roman's offended expression.

“Sometimes I wish you'd make some big, romantic gesture,” Roman sighed. “Send me roses or something.” Virgil acknowledged this with a bored nod. “God!” Roman groaned, standing up and continuing to clean up Virgil’s clothes. “Can't you dress nice for once?!”

“Just close your eyes and pretend I'm wearing a suit,” Virgil suggested, only half joking.

“Close my eyes and the passion dies!” Roman replied, smiling a bit at the accidental rhyme. Once again, he sat down on the edge of the bed. Quietly, so quietly that Virgil couldn't hear, Roman murmured, “I'd kill for that thrill of first love.”

The moments that started their relationship, the reason they'd gotten together in the first place...god he wanted it back. It seemed like they never did anything together anymore. Well, anything except for fighting.

Glancing up, Virgil noticed a hickey on Roman's neck, and his stomach flipped. He hadn't put that there. Of course, they weren't strictly monogamous, but maybe it'd feel nice if they were…

“Is it really impossible for you to just be with me?” Virgil asked, his disdain from earlier melting away into vulnerability.

“If you hate the way I am so much, leave me.”

“Why can't you just love me?” Roman smirked at that.

“What I love, I devour,” Roman said, starting to move his lips towards Virgil.

“What I covet, I keep,” Virgil retorted, letting Roman kiss his neck, but not reciprocating. As Roman made his way down Virgil's neck, Virgil too was remembering the beginning of their relationship. He'd give anything to have that innocence and hope back.

“Look, we've been together for nine months-”

“Ten months!” Virgil cried.

“Nine months,” Roman said incredulously.

“We've been together for ten months,” Virgil stated it like it was fact. “In fact, we've almost survived a year.”

“Oh, who's counting,” Roman dismissed it, even though he was entirely sure that they had, in fact, been together for nine months and not ten.

He continued kissing Virgil, down his neck, across his chest, and with a hand in Virgil’s hair, Roman reached to undo his belt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm, I think I might like this format (that I did for the last chapter and this one) better than what I've been doing. I might change it around depending on the song, but I think it definitely works better with the flow of a chapter. what do y'all think?


	9. Alone Together - Gen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone Together by Fall Out Boy
> 
> Human AU

Virgil walked the expanse of the highway, ignoring the cars that would infrequently fly by, and the scorching midday sun.

That was before. Before a large blue car pulled up beside him. Before a man with a kind smile and even kinder eyes stepped out of the driver’s seat.

“You alright? You can come with us if you like,” he offered. Virgil looked in the car. There were two others, one in the passenger’s seat, a map spread across his lap, and the other asleep behind him. Virgil couldn't help but smile.

“You guys got room for one more troubled soul?” The man giggled and motioned him into the car.

The sleeping man woke up with a start when Virgil climbed into the seat beside him. Virgil learned that his name was Roman, that the serious looking man in the front seat was Logan, and the driver was Patton. And they were off.

They drove the expanse of the highway, ignoring the other cars that would infrequently fly by and turning up the air conditioner to escape the scorching midday sun.

“Where are you going anyway?” The three shrugged at Virgil's question, even Logan with his map didn't seem to know.

At some point, Virgil had given up on tracking thee time, Roman's phone rang. Logan turned down the music and exchanged a nervous look with Patton. Virgil tried to make out the voice on the other end, but all he could hear was a woman's unintelligible voice.

Roman mumbled out quick answers.

“Yes...no…of course...mom, I-” he sighed. Finally, looking fed up, Roman groaned and yelled into the phone. “Mom!” Virgil heard the woman go silent. “I…I don't think I'm coming home. Goodbye.”

And he hung up, and that was that. No one asked questions. No one brought it up. Logan turned up the music and they continued to drive.

When the scorching sun turned to soft moonlight, Patton pulled over in an empty field.

“Are we gonna sleep in a hotel?” Virgil watched Roman hop out of the car and scoff at his question.

“With what money?” He had a point. Virgil took off his seatbelt and followed Roman, who was taking things out of the trunk.

“How long have you guys been doing this? Being on the road?”

“Months,” Roman said, piling blankets into Virgil's arms. Logan stepped out of the car next, holding his map in front of his face. “Where are we?” Roman called.

Logan laughed bitterly.

“Get this, there's a town a few miles from here literally called Ruin. The town of Ruin, Arizona.”

“We're on the road to Ruin,” Patton called, shutting the car off with a small laugh.

Virgil looked at the tattered blankets and pillows that were apparently his sleeping accommodations.

“I guess we must be starting at the end…”

They were settled, and Virgil fit surprisingly well into their routine.

Logan climbed onto the hood of the car, staring at the stunning night sky. The stars winked down at him.

Roman sat in the grass a few feet away, sewing up a hole in one of the blankets and humming to himself. The needle glinted in the moonlight.

Patton laid on his stomach on the ground, combing through the grass with his fingers and watching ants march by. He collected flowers in his shirt pocket.

Virgil was on the ground, leaning against the front of the car, writing in the small notebook he kept with him. Logan's leg was dangling off of the car beside him.

They were silent, preoccupied, alone in their thoughts but together in the moment.

After about an hour of peaceful quiet, they started to swap their stories, mostly for Virgil's benefit.

Roman, a theatrical high school graduate, had taken a year off to focus on drama. When his parents belittled his passion, he'd taken off on the road. Virgil sensed Roman's parents had kicked him out for other, more discriminatory reasons, but he didn't want to mention it.

Patton, a kind-hearted aspiring pediatrician, hadn't had the money to cover another year of med school. He'd been working two jobs in addition to his school, and eventually, that took a toll on his studies. He was expelled for his underwhelming performance and, with nowhere else to go, joined his high school friend Roman on the road.

Logan, a high school dropout. After learning about Patton's experience and Roman's aspirations, Virgil had made the mistake of asking Logan about his education.

Logan had a brilliant mind, and Virgil assumed his story would be similar to Patton's. But his mind worked a bit differently from his peers, and, despite his endless curiosity, Logan could never bring himself to be curious about school. Year after stressful year, Logan finally dropped out, running away and living on the street before Patton and Roman found him and brought him in.

Virgil stayed silent about his own story. The others didn't seem to mind.

They were college kids who'd never gone to college, young adults who’d never paid rent. They revelled in their youth together.

That was the story of their trip, and Virgil started to fit naturally into the group after a few weeks. Alone, isolated from society, together.

They came across Las Vegas, and between Roman's bright eyed wonder and Logan’s determination to beat the odds, they had to stay, at least for a few nights.

But by the second night, Virgil and Patton were regretting the decision. They'd lost Logan somewhere in a casino, and Roman was at the bar, too drunk to form a coherent sentence.

His train of thought had derailed, and he was collapsing in on himself. Virgil cut him off, dragging the half-asleep Roman away from the bar.

“S’not my fault,” Roman said, his words slurred and barely intelligible. Virgil opened his mouth to argue, but he saw Patton, across the casino, waving, desperately trying to get his attention.

Holding Roman's weight, Virgil ran as fast as he could, darting through the crowd.

“I found him,” Patton said, pointing to the blackjack table. Roman and Virgil followed Patton's gaze, and found Logan.

He was drenched in sweat, his tie loose and his hair a tangled mess. In the neon light, Virgil saw for the first time exactly how gaunt he was.

Virgil turned to Patton, starting to devise a way to pry Logan away, but the drunk Roman had a different idea.

He stormed over to the table.

“C'mon,” he mumbled, pulling at Logan's arm. Logan barely seemed to notice. “Gotta go,” Roman insisted.

“Not yet,” Logan said, his eyes glued to the table.

“Why not?” Roman whined, causing a few of the casino veterans to laugh.

“'Cus. Gotta make it back.” Patton and Virgil walked up behind them. Patton's face turned pale, and his eyes turned dark.

“Make back what, Logan?” His stern voice scared Virgil. Logan wasn't paying enough attention to realize how scared he should've been.

“Bet all our money. Don't worry. I'll win soon, probability’s in my favor.”

“You did what?!” Patton was practically steaming with anger. Roman laughed.

“Of course you did!” Roman hiccuped. “What do you know about probability? You couldn't finish sophomore year,” he said. Logan, Patton, and Virgil froze.

“That shit isn't funny,” Logan snarled, turning away from the game.

“C'mon,” called one of the other players. “Place your bet. Hurry up.”

“You just want me to play when I'm emotional, don't you? So that you can win, isn't that right?!” Virgil could tell that Logan was running on fumes, past his breaking point. He pulled Logan away as the man kept screaming. “You’d love to play me like this, broken, tired, emotional-”

“Logan, they did play you like that. And they won all of our money,” Patton said, dragging Roman by his shoulder.

“Oh,” Logan laughed. “They won more than that. I owe them…” he started to do the math in his head, but gave up. “I owe them a lot.”

Virgil heard the men at the blackjack table start to cry out, demanding to be paid.

“Patton, we need to get out of here.”

Patton nodded, and with that, the two of them were off, dragging Roman and Logan behind them.

Virgil almost felt like the star of an indie movie, running through neon-lit streets, panting. Signs advertised money, sex, drugs, beauty.

“Do you wanna feel beautiful?” The whole city asked him.

They finally made it to the empty span of concrete where they'd parked, just outside of the city limits. Patton dumped Roman into the backseat, and he fell asleep almost immediately.

Virgil went to the trunk to grab the blankets. Logan and Patton stood at the front of the car.

“What the hell?!”

“If you'd let me keep playing, I would've-”

“I don't care,” Patton cried, jabbing a finger into Logan's chest. “You shouldn't have lost all our money! We're leaving Las Vegas tomorrow. I don't know what we'll do for food, for…” Patton seemed to run out of steam, and he collapsed onto the hood of the car.

“I'm sorry…” Logan reached to wrap an arm around Patton's shoulders, but Patton stood up and walked away, taking blankets from Virgil's arms and going to sleep on the cold concrete.

Logan sat on the hood of the car. Virgil dropped the blankets and sat beside him.

After half an hour, Logan pulled a box of cigarettes from his pocket, along with a lighter.

“Patton would kill you if he saw those,” Virgil sighed.

“Patton’s going to kill me anyway,” Logan replied. He offered one to Virgil, who shook his head. “Do you think I should just leave? Walk away? Be on the streets again?”

Virgil shrugged.

“Patton's pissed at you. But he’ll be pissed at Roman too when he wakes up. And he’ll be pissed at me for not keeping an eye on you.”

“What if we all agree to pretend this never happened? Go back a few miles, pass by Las Vegas, not even say a word…” Logan took a long drag.

“Nah. Impossible.” Logan sighed and took another drag.

Virgil hopped off of the car and climbed into blankets on the ground, watching smoke rise from in front of the car as he fell asleep.

The next morning, Virgil woke up to Patton berating Roman, who was bent over, vomiting onto the sidewalk.

After he'd gotten a bottle of water and a good lecture from Patton, Virgil, Patton and Roman climbed into the car. Logan was asleep on the hood of the car. Patton smirked and laid on the horn, laughing as Logan jumped up, startled.

Logan walked up to the passenger side door and opened it, but paused before getting in.

“C'mon Logan, we need our navigator,” Patton said.

“We don't even know where we're going,” Logan replied.

“Well, we've got room for one more troubled soul.”

Logan smiled softly and climbed in, buckling his seatbelt and pulling out his map.

As they drove away, Virgil noticed a discarded box of cigarettes on the ground.

They rolled the windows down and opened the sunroof. The breeze made Roman's hangover ease up, and it felt nice.

Laughing, Roman stuck his head out of the window.

“We got fucked up in Las Vegas,” he screamed, and Logan, Patton, and Virgil laughed, not without a twinge of bitterness. Roman looked back at them, rolling his eyes. “We're young. We're allowed to get fucked up.” That made Virgil laughed, and he too stuck his head out of the window and screamed.

“We can stay young forever,” he yelled, the wind whipping his hair around his face.

Billboards on the side of the road advertised products Virgil knew he'd never be able to afford.

They ended up stopping in towns every few weeks. They worked small jobs, got some money, and they were on the road again.

The next time they passed a big city, no one said a word, and Patton drove by. Logan pointed out a gas station up ahead.

Virgil pretended not to notice when Logan slipped away into the store. He looked away when Logan came back, not wanting to see the thing he knew Logan was hiding behind his back.

That night, Virgil found himself unable to sleep. And then, hours after he thought everyone else had drifted into dreamland, a heavy scent wafted over him.

Cigarette smoke.

Virgil stood up and sat on the hood of the car, next to Logan.

“Patton would kill you if he saw those,” Virgil said. This time, Logan didn't reply at all, he just shrugged and took another drag. “I thought you were done after Las Vegas.”

“Old habits die hard,” Logan said. Virgil hated seeing him like this. His thin frame was almost suspended from the cigarette, as if it was the only thing keeping him up. A voice came from behind them.

“You should get some sleep,” Patton said. He didn't even look at Logan, choosing to focus on Virgil. Logan dropped the cigarette on the ground, crushing it under his shoes. Virgil scampered away to his blankets as Patton walked up to Logan.

He seemed to be about to give Logan a lecture, but he sighed and turned away.

“Patton…” He didn't respond. “Patton I'm sorry. Please, talk to me.” He was silent. “Can we just go back and pretend you didn't see it?” Patton shook his head turning to face Logan.

“No, we can't. I can't just pretend I don't know you're out here, getting high while we're sleeping! You're wasting our money on drugs-”

“My money,” Logan quickly corrected. “All from my pocket. I'd never spend anything one of you made.” Their conversation was growing in intensity, and soon, both Roman and Virgil had joined them.

“I'm not letting you buy another pack of these,” Patton said, yanking the cigarettes from Logan's pocket. Instinctively, Logan reached for them, wincing at how desperate he knew he looked.

Roman grabbed them from Patton and threw them as far as he could, which was pretty far. Logan watched them fly into the darkness, and sighed, falling onto the hood of the car.

Roman jumped up beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Virgil sat beside Roman, putting his head in Roman's lap, and Patton climbed up next to Logan, holding his hand.

They were in a field, alone, with nobody in sight. The stars were barely visible behind the clouds. Four college-aged kids, only one of them had ever been in a college, and only three had graduated high school. None of them had ever had a full time job, and none of them knew what they were going to do. But that was the joy of being young.

Being young was sitting at the end of the road to ruin, wondering what would come tomorrow, if they didn't wake up dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mind got away from me on this one! but it is still technically based on the song so...hope you all liked it. sorry for the really long chapter!


	10. Cry - Logicality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cry by Carly Rae Jepsen
> 
> Angst, Human AU

Patton woke up and started cooking breakfast. His husband was already in his recliner, wearing a pristine three piece suit and reading the newspaper. The domestic dream.

Patton couldn't help but stare at his husband. Poised and proper as he was, Logan looked like the king of the castle. The morning with Logan, unbroken and new, felt so right.

Lost in his daydream, Patton quickly shook himself awake, taking the pancakes off of the griddle before they burned.

Patton hummed to himself, preparing two plates of breakfast and placing them on the table. Logan sat at his usual seat, and Patton sat in his. They ate. Logan gave Patton a peck on the cheek and then went to work. The domestic dream.

Logan came home in a huff, as usual. Patton asked him what was wrong. Logan said it was nothing, as usual.

“I'll be leaving in a couple hours. A business meeting.”

“Logan, you leave every night for a business meeting.” Patton tried not to let his voice show the fact that he was almost in tears.

“Business is important.”

The same conversation they always had, and god was Patton sick of it. Logan sat at the dinner table, and Patton watched him eat for a few moments.

“What's wrong? Did something happen at work?”

“No,” Logan said, not even looking up. “I told you, it's nothing.”

“Logan…” Patton took a deep breath. “Talk about what's bothering you.”

“I don't want to,” Logan said, his tone getting terse.

“I want you to,” Patton insisted. “I mean, if you want to…do you want to? Really, do you?”

“Patton, I…” Logan looked up from his meal, for once, at a loss for words.

“I want you to stay tonight,” Patton said without any sense of grandeur. Just a request, just a hope, a wish. “I want… I want you.” Logan was silent. In Patton's head, he imagined Logan saying, _“I want you too.”_

He didn't say another word. They finished dinner in silence.

Patton cleaned the dishes and went up to their bedroom, leaving Logan in his throne, reading the newspaper.

Logan came up to the bedroom a few hours later, and when he started to undress, part of Patton wanted to grab him and pull him onto the bed.

Patton stood and pulled his half naked husband into a kiss. Logan reciprocated with a chaste kiss before saying, “I need to get ready for my meeting,” and leaving Patton's embrace.

“Logan, what's been going on at work?” Patton asked the question even though he knew his efforts were futile.

“Nothing.” Patton pretended he didn't see Logan's lower lip quiver.

Logan finished changing and left the room. Patton sat on the bed, numb. He could hear Logan rummaging around downstairs, and realized he wasn't even sure when Logan would be leaving.

The door opened and closed. Logan's car left the driveway. Patton sat on the bed, at a loss.

Hours later, Logan came back.

“Hello, darling,” he said, walking into the room and pulling off his jacket and tie before leaving again to get ready for bed.

“Bye,” Patton mumbled.

He laid down, not caring enough to brush his teeth or change into pajamas. Patton couldn't close his eyes until he felt Logan's arms holding him. Finally, he felt loved, even if he cried himself to sleep.

And the next morning, that was gone. Patton woke up bleary eyed in an empty bed. He heard the front door open and close. He saw the headlights of Logan's flicker on and then leave the driveway.

There was a note on the table when Patton went downstairs.

_“The office needed me early this morning. I'll be home at the normal time. Love you. -Logan.”_

Logan came home in a huff, Patton ran through the motions of asking him what was wrong, and Logan told him there was nothing to worry about.

 **_I want you to_ ** **_  
_****_Do you want to?_ ** **_  
_****_I want you to stay tonight_ ** **_  
_****_I want you to say "I want you too"_ ** _  
_

Logan left for a meeting again that night.

 **_He never wants to strip down to his feelings_ ** **_  
_****_He never wants to kiss and close his eyes_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_He never wants to cry-y-y, cry-y-y_**

Patton was sitting in the living room when he left this time, and almost wanted to chase after him and hold him, let him tell Patton everything that was wrong. But he stayed on the couch.

 **_I never really know when he'll be leaving_ ** **_  
_****_And even with hello I hear goodbye_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_He always makes me cry-y-y, cry-y-y_**

Patton's face was still red and tear-stained when Logan came home, and he didn't have time to hide it.

“Oh, honey…” Logan dropped his jacket and sat beside Patton. “Is this about me being gone so much? I'm so sorry, here… let's go upstairs and we can cuddle and talk before we go to sleep, do you want that?”

Patton nodded, ignoring the tears that had once again started to fall. He let his husband lead him to their bedroom. Logan held him.

They were quiet for a while, unsure what to talk about. Once Patton's sobs had quieted, he piped up.

“Logan we've been married for three years.”

“Yes…”

“And we dated for two years before that. And I don't think I've ever seen you cry.” That statement caught Logan off guard.

“Well, I don't believe many people have seen me cry.”

“Why?”

"I just…don't cry that often.” And that was the end of their conversation. They both drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Patton woke up without Logan by his side. There was a note on the bed.

_“Got a call. Had to go in early. I'm sorry. Love you. -Logan.”_

**_He never wants to strip down to his feelings_ ** **_  
_****_He never wants to kiss and close his eyes_ ** **_  
_****_He never wants to cry-y-y, cry-y-y_ ** **_  
_****_I never really know when he'll be leaving_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_And even with hello I hear goodbye_**

Patton held the note in trembling hands, and watched as his tears made the ink run.

 **_He always makes me cry-y-y, cry-y-y_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Cry-y-y_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in a Carly Rae Jepsen mood lately...her music is Good.......anyway as soon as I heard this song I was like Oh It's Logicality Angst. So.


	11. Falling For U - Analogical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling For U by Peachy! 
> 
> High School AU

Virgil sat on Logan's bed, their homework in a pile between them. Math homework that Virgil had needed Logan's help with, history homework that both of them had found surprisingly interesting, and science homework that had Logan enraptured for over an hour. Now, both of them had Macbeth in their laps. Reading aloud was far more fun than analyzing the play alone, even if neither of them had a flare for the dramatic.

“When shall we three-” Virgil was interrupted.

“Really? That's the voice you've chosen to use for the witch?”

“I dunno, I guess,” Virgil mumbled. “What's wrong with it?” Logan sighed and shook his head. “You want me to do a character voice?”

“No, it's just-”

“When shall we three meet again,” Virgil croaked out in an awful impression of a withered old woman. Logan couldn't help but laugh. His straight face broke into a goofy smile, and he bent over, laughing and snorting. That was when realization hit Virgil.

 ** _I was hanging with you_  
** _**And then I realized**_  
_**I didn't think it was true**_  
**_I was surprised_**  
**_When I found out I'd fallen for you_**

They read the few scenes assigned for homework, and Virgil found himself constantly distracted by his realization. He kept on a calm mask, but as soon as he left Logan's house to walk to his own down the street, Virgil felt like he was melting.

Once inside, Virgil threw his backpack on the ground, glad to know that he was home alone, and he screamed. He screamed out of anger, excitement, nerves, anxiety, all of it.

_**I didn't want to believe  
My feelings for you** _

Looking back on their friendship, he'd liked Logan for a long time. But, of course, he'd refused to admit it to himself. And now, he never wanted to talk to Logan again.

Weeks, almost a month went by, and every time they talked, Virgil felt butterflies in his stomach, angry butterflies that couldn't seem to calm down for hours.

Of course, his friend Patton was no help. His only advice was, “Just tell him! What's the worst that could happen?”

**_I didn't want to believe  
__That I could lose you  
If I told you just how I felt_**

Virgil didn’t even want to think of telling Logan. Every time Logan made him smile, every time they walked home from school together, Virgil became that much more certain that he just couldn't risk what they had.

 **_But I can't help it_  
** **I'm falling for you**  
**And I can't quit it**  
**Cause I'm stuck on you**

 **_And it might be pathetic  
__And you might be skeptical_**  
****_**But I just want to be with you**_

Virgil found himself in his bed at night, imagining scenarios just to calm himself down. And, God, he knew how pathetic it was when he imagined Logan beside him, comforting him through panic attack after panic attack.

Whenever Logan got crushes, when he joked about being alone, some part of Virgil would break. He wanted to grab Logan by the shoulders, tell him just how important he was, how beautiful his eyes were, how adorable his voice was when he got excited. Instead, Virgil would just laugh along.

 **_Please tell me boy can you  
_** _**Get a clue or come through** _  
_**Cause I just want to be with you** _

Virgil knew he'd never be able to bring himself it, and every time Logan spoke, Virgil imagined just a few words tumbling out of his mouth. A confession, an admission, anything.

 ** _I'm scared…_  
** _**Of telling you how I feel**_  
_**Maybe**_  
_**It's better**_  
**_If I just try to conceal_**  
**_The truth_**  
**_For me_**  
****_**And for you**_

Patton would tease Virgil, Roman would question him about any crushes, even Logan was starting to get curious. Virgil would clam up, refusing to say a word. He would convince himself he was getting over it, but as soon as Logan smiled at him, the feelings would wash over him again.

 **_But I'm still stuck on you  
_** _**I'm still falling for you** _  
_**For you** _

The two of them were in Logan's room, a pile of homework on the floor and forgotten. They would rather sit and talk. There came a lull in the conversation, and a sentence popped into Virgil's head. No matter how much he tried to suppress it, the words were begging so loudly to be said.

“I'm think I'm falling for you,” he blurted out, immediately looking away. Logan didn't say anything, but Virgil could feel Logan's eyes staring at his ducked head. Virgil started to stammer out an apology, as he grabbed his backpack and decided it would just be better for him to leave- Logan's voice, usually so stoic, now so soft, interrupted Virgil's thoughts.

“I think I might be… Falling for you as well.”


End file.
